Happy Holidays from KPWOP! Our Gift to You: A Collection of Painful K-Pop Christmas Songs Reviewed

If the holidays are as big in South Korea as they are in the United States – which, given my last trip to the mall, I’m not quite sure is possible – then these following songs are sure to be a HIT. The American music industry this year has produced such bizarre duets like Cee-Lo and the Muppets, or John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John reuniting after 30-some years and innumerable rounds of Botox (for both of them). So can South Korea’s holiday cheer live up to such lofty expectations?

To get you in the holiday mood, I have carefully curated (read: I have perused some websites and picked out the only few songs I can recall at this moment) a selection of just-as-carefully crafted holiday music videos from various k-pop artists. What says ‘holiday spirit’ like people wearing Santa hats singing in a language I can’t understand? BASICALLY NOTHING.

Ughhhh so much Christmas!

Ughhhh so much Christmas!

Orange Caramel ft. Nu’est | “Dashing Through the Snow in highheels”

Make sure you check out the captions under any Loen Entertainment Youtube video, because they are gold. Example: “This winter, [Orange Caramel and Nu’est] will be able to attract people’s attention and make them fall in a dream where everyone can start a relationship.” Oh man. I just watched this video, and I now have a dream… A dream where even in the state of Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. And later, lovers. 

The reason I am talking about the caption and not the actual song or music video is that both are completely boring. I watched the video on silent and the only things I noticed were an obscene amount of useless hand gestures and even more stuffed animals. There’s a lot of festive clothing, though, which I appreciated. Ugly Christmas sweaters are definitely in fashion again.

Ailee | “My Grown-Up Christmas List”

I could not finish this music video. It’s just a girl hanging out with a Christmas tree and somebody drawing something. Unless something explodes at the end, I don’t think I was missing much.

Roh Ji Hoon | “Oh! Carol”

Cue generic jazzy piano intro. At approximately 1:30, Roh Ji Hoon does something that makes all the girls scream:

SO MUCH SEXUAL CHARISMA.

SO MUCH SEXUAL CHARISMA.

He does similar things throughout the performance and about 30 youngish women in black coats sit in their chairs and scream while holding their phones. Also note the super trendy ugly Christmas sweater.

HEART♥PROJECT ft. Sung Sikyung, Park Hyoshin, Lee Seokhun, Seo Inguk, and VIXX | “Because It’s Christmas”

You know that video with a bunch of puppies running around a Christmas tree hanging out with gift-wrapped presents? This is like the Korean male star version of that video, so no wonder it’s my favorite of the entire bunch.

It's a pile of Korean guys!

It’s a pile of Korean guys! SO CUTE.

The song is relatively pleasant, but the video is essentially eye candy. A lot of guys looking into a camera seductively at photo shoots. This probably took zero extra effort to film and edit. But still it’s better than a random girl running around a Christmas tree, ahem, Ailee.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. Your Christmas wishes have all been granted! Now give another watch to that horrid John Travolta/Olivia Newton-John duet and tell me you’re not thankful for K-Pop.

EDIT: Below is a video of Seungri from Big Bang muttering in Korean while wearing a Santa costume. I’m sure a lot of girls wish he would come down their chimneys, NAMSAYIN? HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

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